Have you ever overheard a conversation that was obviously intended to be private? Uncomfortable, isn’t it? On television sitcoms people seem to frequently engage in such conversations in restaurants or other conspicuously public places. I overheard one of those uncomfortable conversations in an unlikely place recently.

I had stopped off at the local Christian bookstore to browse for a few minutes. On my way up the aisle toward the restroom I saw a young man and woman in an intense conversation. He looked to be in his late twenties, tall, good-looking, clean cut with a well-trimmed mustache. She was blonde and equally attractive. As I walked past them I overheard him say, "I don’t care who hears me say I have a bad marriage." She replied, "You f***ing a**hole, what a thing to say." I walked quickly by them and heard her footsteps pounding quickly away and out the front entrance to the store.

I was jarred by the experience, particularly because of the context. I suppose we all understand that Christians and non-Christians alike have relationship problems. I guess we all know that there is no immunity to bad behavior, and no inoculation to prevent rudeness in public. I am not a professed "prayer warrior" but I couldn’t help but throw up a well-worn prayer, "Help them, God."

I felt sad for the young couple. I suspected that they were in the store in search of a book that would help them deal with the obvious emotional pain in their relationship. Unfortunately their search had degenerated into another domestic altercation. Their situation reminded me that it was only a little over a year ago that my marriage of 18 years disintegrated into dust. In the aftermath, it had taken the help of a professional therapist and a brief period of medication to pull me out of the psychological crisis.

I wondered if there were any young children that would feel the ripple of their parent’s problems. I know that my children were impacted by my marital breakup, even though they are adults. They had lived through divorce as young children and were faced with the turmoil once again in their twenties. Children are the obvious victims of marital difficulty.

Is there any protection from the pain? Can good premarital counseling prevent future problems? As one who has failed twice in marriage, I am not so sure.

As I browsed the store I saw a display for the latest offering by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, When bad things happen to good marriages. I picked it up and thumbed through the pages outlining the problems that couples have had to face and overcome: from retarded and seriously-ill children to addiction, and the Parrott’s suggestions for overcoming.

I was reminded that the book Boundaries in Marriage by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, had been helpful to me in the final stages of my marriage. Both of these books have companion workbooks available designed to help couples make practical steps to solve relational problems.

Paul said, "Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out." (Col. 4:6) I often wonder what would happen if we just tried to be nice to one another once in a while if some relationships would stand a better chance. In a culture that sees divorce as increasingly inevitable, and domestic abuse and violence is on the well-documented rise, it might serve us well to practice our Christianity visibly by treating each other well, even if we perceive that we have a "bad marriage."

Click here for another article on this topic: Ministry and Marriage by Kevin Springer.

Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson, 1993, 1994, 1995. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Charles R. (Charlie) Wear, is the Editor, Publisher and Webmaster of Next-Wave. From 1998-to the present he has been working with a team reaching out to teens to twenty-somethings and their parents through the extreme sport of skateboarding (see If you build it, they will come and an updated reported in this issue.) His passion is to see young leaders released in ministry, ready and well-equipped. He has four children and one grandson. You can e-mail him at publisher@next-wave.org.