God invented sex! It is an essential biological drive, built in by a Master Planner, who expected this strong urge to promote fruitfulness, and to populate the Earth. He made sex a pleasurable experience so we would be drawn to it. God is not surprised by our orgasms!

In approaching this article, I will confess a dilemma I faced. Where would I find sexually-abstinent 20-something single men to interview about this topic? I have heard and read of some popular, well-known sports and Christian music/media heroes who profess virginal lives. One of my children is a 23-year-old male, who is practicing celibacy. That one seemed a bit close to home. His candor might be hampered by an interview with MOM.

Finally, I found Ted (not his real name), a 25 year-old Christian who was willing to share his experiences and perspective with me. Ted is not married, and considers himself a "spiritual man for the past two years". I did explain to Ted that I wanted a completely candid account, so we immediately agreed to not use his real name. This is only one man’s story. It may not be yours, and you may not agree, but I know you will appreciate Ted’s honesty.

When Ted was a teenager, his Dad wisely advised him that he would "only be young once", and further urged "bills will always be there and girls will always be there". This advice was not an ode to living a superficial life, but sage encouragement to pursue his dreams while he was young and unencumbered, unlike the choices Dad made as a youth.

Ted does concede that at times "it’s lonely being single, companion-wise, but I have a very good life, with many friends, just nobody special right now". Once he realized that his life was not his own, but God’s, "things really changed".

"I now fully understand that you date to court someone for marriage, not to just cover up loneliness." He observed that he can now tell who is a kindred soul, and is committed to waiting until he finds "a girl with the same heart as I have for people". He has had a few disappointments along the way.

Initially a girl will express an interest in his ministry and vision. "Talk is talk, show me your walk" is Ted’s motto, and it translates into a caution that delays any hint of romance in new relationships, until the veneer is gone, and he can truly gauge their interest in Christian pursuits.

This all sounded too good to be true, so I probed for past struggles before he arrived in this "state of grace". Ted hit a rough patch a year ago, struggling with impure thoughts. "God helped me quench them, but it was a daily struggle for several months. I wanted to see a girl and not objectify her, not wonder what she would look like naked, or what it would be like to be with her. My prayers were pretty weird- ‘Oh God, here I am again, in this same junk I was in yesterday- you know the story’." This I could relate to, how about you?

Now Ted’s daily regime includes prayer and Bible study to stay close, connected to God. He noted that if he goes for a day or two without those essentials, "I get weak and my mind drifts". Strong Medicine Ted! Ted is clearly one member of his generation who is willing to die for the cause of Christ. He has "so much faith in God that I truly believe the promise- if I seek God first, God will bring me my heart’s desire. I’ve seen many examples of how God protects me from the wrong sorts of relationships."

Now that I had a chance to discuss some delicate stuff with a living, breathing 25 year-old, I pressed on. I have read The Sexual Man by Dr. Archibald Hart, raised sons, and basically lived with and around men all my life. I’ve counseled young men who were sexually active with their girlfriends. 

It’s a difficult topic to discuss

It’s a difficult topic to discuss. But at least I’ve been able to share some truths about what might be right, what might be wrong, and the effectiveness percentages of various chosen birth control methods. 

When one young man learned about the failure rate of condoms, his response was pretty typical--- "are people just not putting the condom on correctly, or what?"

In most churches, it seems the subject of masturbation only came from the lips of fundamentalist preachers who lump it in with a list of taboos. Occasionally one hears it tearfully whispered from tremendously repentant teens during public or private confessions.  

It’s Ted’s view that for guys, there is no ‘pure masturbation’. "Guys usually begin with a ‘feels good/body discovery thing’, but soon, it’s impossible to not use fantasy to enhance the act’." He states it usually begins with sexual thoughts, amps up to some really weird impure stuff, and soon, the only way to get off is through porn magazines, pictures or videos.

You’re just a moment away from acting out

"Then, you’re just a moment away from acting out the stuff you’re feeding on." Ted admits he is without a clue about women and masturbation. (I told you he was honest). "Most girls will deny any involvement in it, but if they get real honest and comfortable, it’s obvious some are into it." Since it’s pretty dangerous for single Christian guys to be talking with young women about their sexual practices, Ted just ‘doesn’t go there’ for obvious reasons.

"Masturbation may be completely different for women, so I wouldn’t know." It didn’t seem like the two genders were on the same planet when it came to this subject, at least for this writer. Masturbation has remained a feel good release without any awareness on my part that fantasies or erotic pictures play any part. Remember I warned you. This was one guy’s story, and that is one woman’s view. Your experience may vary.

The Bible is silent about masturbation, though many preachers have done some theological gymnastics to find applicable scriptural proof to support it’s condemnation. Many evangelicals rest their reasoning on principles such as opposing idolatry. Or Jesus’ statements regarding lusting in our hearts. The Word does take a strong stand for sexual monogamy, with the apostle Paul reminding us that our bodies are the temple of God. We’re called to a life of service, love for our fellow men, and love for our Savior. I’m not really certain there is a "correct" theological stand on masturbation. Theologians, stand up and be counted! It tends to remain a subject that is better taught in junior high peer groups (in the hallways of your favorite Sunday school).

Dr. Hart’s study is more straightforward on the subject. "Almost all (96 percent) of the males under age twenty in my sample masturbate regularly." Quoting another report Dr. Hart continues, "24 percent of males under age twenty-six masturbate daily or several times a week. From age 27 to 38, it is 28%; from 39 to 50, 23%; over fifty, 32%. It seems that the habit is established quite early and is continued throughout life." (The Sexual Man, p. 119)

Susan Angell, age 50, is a registered nurse and currently resides in California.

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