(Note: this is the first in a series of "chat-room paraphrases" of Scripture Andrew Careaga is doing as part of an experimental translation of Bible episodes.)

* Elohim <God@heaven.org> enters #Eden
* Angel-bot sets mode +o Elohim
<Elohim> thanks ;-)
* Adam <1st_man@earth.com> enters #Eden
<Elohim> ***Auto-msg*** Welcome, Adam, to #Eden, the
friendliest chat room on the Universe server! We hope
you enjoy your stay!
<Elohim> ***Auto-msg*** Feel free to partake of fruit
from any tree EXCEPT from the tree of knowledge of
good and evil. To partake of fruit from the tree of
knowledge of good and evil will result in a PERMANENT
BAN!!!
<Elohim> ***Auto-msg*** Be fruitful, multiply, and
have fun!
<Elohim> ***end Auto-msg***
<Adam>hi, Elohim...thanx 4 the welcome
* Adam wonders around the room...checks out the
garden...
<Adam>kewl trees!
* Adam grabs a kumquat and bites into it
<Adam> mmmmmmmm!
<Adam> Yummy!
* Elohim looks at Adam
* Adam smiles at Elohim
* Elohim smiles back
<Adam> Where is everybody?
<Elohim> It's just us, Adam. Are you lonely?
<Adam> yeah
* Elohim grabs Adam and whips a sleeper hold on Adam
<Adam> ack!!!
* Adam passes out
* Elohim smiles
* Elohim removes a rib from Adam
* Elohim tosses the bone into the air, creating a
partner for Adam
* Eve <woman@earth.com> joins #Eden
<Elohim> ***Auto-msg*** Welcome, Eve, to #Eden, the
friendliest chat room on the Universe server! We hope
you enjoy your stay!
<Elohim> ***Auto-msg*** Feel free to partake of fruit
from any tree EXCEPT from the tree of knowledge of
good and evil. To partake of fruit from the tree of
knowledge of good and evil will result in a PERMANENT
BAN!!!
<Elohim> ***Auto-msg*** Be fruitful, multiply, and
have fun!
<Elohim> ***end Auto-msg***
* Adam wakes up
* Adam sees Eve and smiles
* Eve smiles, blushing softly
* Elohim smiles
<Adam> Hey
<Eve> hi
<Adam> wassssssssuppppp Eve!
<Eve> lol
<Adam> asl?
* Eve is ageless, female, from #Eden
<Eve> u?
<Adam> same
<Adam> but male
<Adam> lol
<Eve> lol
<Elohim> brb
* Elohim is now known as Elohim-afk
* Adam forages for more fruit
<Adam> brb too
* Adam is now known as Adam_foraging
<Eve> ‘k
* Eve looks around
* Beguiling_Serpent <snake@hades.net> enters #Eden
<Elohim-afk> ***Auto-msg*** Welcome,
Beguiling_Serpent, to #Eden, the friendliest chat room
on the Universe server! We hope you enjoy your stay!
<Elohim-afk> ***Auto-msg*** Feel free to partake of
fruit from any tree EXCEPT from the tree of knowledge
of good and evil. To partake of fruit from the tree of
knowledge of good and evil will result in a PERMANENT
BAN!!!
<Elohim-afk> ***Auto-msg*** Be fruitful, multiply, and
have fun!
<Elohim-afk> ***end Auto-msg***
* Beguiling_Serpent smiles at Eve
<Beguiling_Serpent> Hey there, Eve };-)
<Eve> hey
<Beguiling_Serpent> how r u?
<Eve> fine u?
<Beguiling_Serpent> never better, thanx.
<Beguiling_Serpent> First time in this room?
* Eve nods
* Beguiling_Serpent smiles
<Beguiling_Serpent> kewlies
<Beguiling_Serpent> have you tried the fruit yet?
<Eve> Adam went to get us some
<Beguiling_Serpent> };-)
* Beguiling_Serpent beckons Eve toward him
<Beguiling_Serpent> come here, Eve
<Beguiling_Serpent> check out this tree!
<Beguiling_Serpent> Its fruit is the BEST!!!
* Eve eyes Beguiling_Serpent warily
<Beguiling_Serpent> What's wrong?
<Eve> Didn't you read the auto-msg? We aren't supposed
to eat fruit from that tree.
<Beguiling_Serpent> nahh...it's ok.
<Beguiling_Serpent> u can eat from it
<Beguiling_Serpent> i've eaten it lots of times <weg>
* Eve ponders Beguiling_Serpent's words
<Eve> are you sure?
* Beguiling_Serpent looks at eve
<Beguiling_Serpent> have i ever lied to u? lol
<Eve> lol
<Beguiling_Serpent> rofl
<Eve> :)
* Beguiling_Serpent grabs a piece of fruit from a
branch and presents it to Eve
<Beguiling_Serpent> try some! You won't get in
trouble...
* Beguiling_Serpent nudges Eve
* Eve smiles, and accepts the fruit
* Eve examines the fruit
* Beguiling_Serpent whispers seductively....*bite it!*
* Eve smiles and takes a big bite
<Eve> MMMMmmmmm!!
* Eve is now known as Naked_Eve
* Adam-foraging is now known as Adam
* Adam returns
* Adam looks at Naked_Eve
<Adam> Whoa! What happened to you?
<Beguiling_Serpent> yo Adam.
* Adam looks at Beguiling_Serpent
<Adam> hi there
<Beguiling_Serpent> wasssssuppp!!!
<Adam> lol
* Naked_Eve presents the half-eaten fruit to Adam
* Adam GASPS!
<Adam> Where'd you get that?
<Naked_Eve> From the tree
* Naked_Eve points to the tree of knowledge of good
and evil and smiles
* Beguiling_Serpent grins broadly
<Adam> But we were told not to eat that stuff!
* Naked_Eve grins
<Beguiling_Serpent> };-)
<Naked_Eve> lol....i ate it and nothing happened to
me...here!
* Naked_Eve shoves the fruit at Adam
* Adam looks around for Elohim
* Adam sees that Elohim is afk
* Adam shrugs and takes a bite
* Adam is now known as Naked_Adam
<Naked_Adam> hmmmmm....delicious!
* Beguiling_Serpent chuckles
* Elohim_afk is now known as Elohim
* Elohim strolls through the garden
<Naked_Adam> yikes!
* Naked_Adam drops the fruit and rips some leaves from
a fig tree
* Naked_Adam gives some to Naked_Eve
<Naked_Adam> Here! Cover yourself with these!
Naked_Eve tries to cover her flesh with the leaves
<Elohim> Adam?
* Elohim looks around
<Elohim> Adam? Where are you?
* Naked_Adam trembles....and raises his hand
<Naked_Adam> Right ... right here, Elohim
<Elohim> What are you doing? And why are you wearing
those silly fig leaves?
<Naked_Adam> um...
<Elohim> :-(
<Naked_Adam> i ... i was afraid, cuz i was naked
<Elohim> Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from
the tree I told you not to eat from?
<Naked_Adam> um...
* Naked_Adam points to Naked_Eve and says....it's all
her fault!
<Naked_Adam> this woman made me eat from it!
* Elohim raises a brow at Eve
<Elohim> Is that true, Eve?
* Naked_Eve points at Beguiling_Serpent
<Naked_Eve> it's his fault! He made me eat it.
* Beguiling_Serpent gives Elohim a defiant look
<Naked_Eve> he said i wouldn't get in trouble with U
<Elohim> *glares at Beguiling_Serpent*
* Elohim> slaps Beguiling_Serpent around with a large
trout
<Beguiling_Serpent>grrrrrr
<Elohim> You're cursed, Serp!
<Elohim> Get on your belly!
* Beguiling_Serpent falls to the ground, slithering
and eating dust
* Elohim hands animal skins to Naked_Adam and
Naked_Eve
<Elohim> Put these on, you two!
* Naked_Adam drops his fig leaf, and puts on the furry
skin
* Naked_Eve does the same
* Naked_Eve blushes slightly
* Naked_Adam is now known as Fallen_Adam
* Fallen_Adam looks at Naked_Eve as she changes
* Beguiling_Serpent slithers out of the garden
* Beguiling_Serpent is now known as cursed_beguiler
* Naked_Eve is now known as Fallen_Eve
* Elohim looks at Fallen_Eve and Fallen_Adam
<Elohim> hope you enjoyed your fruit...
<Elohim> Now here's what's going to happen...
* Elohim looks at Fallen_Eve and says...
<Elohim> you're going to suffer greatly during
childbirth...
* Fallen_Eve blinks
<Elohim> and your partner here... * Elohim looks at Fallen_Adam
* Fallen_Eve looks at Fallen_Adam
<Elohim> will be your ruler
<Fallen_Eve> omg
* Fallen_Adam snickers
<Fallen_Adam> ;-)
<Fallen_Eve> :-(
* Elohim looks at Fallen_Adam <Elohim> as for you...
* Elohim ponders putting another sleeper hold on
Fallen_Adam
<Elohim> nahh...
* Fallen_Adam listens, looking down
<Elohim> because you listened to Fallen_Eve...
<Elohim> and ate the forbidden fruit...
<Elohim> you'll eat in sorrow all the days of your
life...
<Fallen_Adam> :-(
<Elohim> and work the ground for food...
<Elohim> but most of what you'll get...
<Fallen_Adam> :-(
<Elohim> is thorns and thistles
* Elohim looks at Angel-bot
<Elohim> !ban Fallen_Adam
<Elohim> !ban Fallen_Eve
* Angel-bot boots Fallen_Adam
* Angel-bot boots Fallen_Eve
* Fallen_Adam <1st_man@earth.com> has left #Eden
* Fallen_Eve <woman@earth.com> has left #Eden
* Angel-bot grabs a flaming sword
* Elohim sets mode +i #Eden invite only
* Angel-bot stands guard at the tree of life
*** session terminated ***