And this just in from the sports desk...

            While the majority of Major Leaguers play their exhibition spring training games in sunny Florida, a small but dedicated group of pro baseball players have split with MLB to form their own, non-secular baseball league.

            Called Contemporary Christian Baseball, the neophyte league will initially consist of only four teams, each located in a bastion of theologically correct, evangelical thought.

The purpose of this splinter league, according to newly anointed CCB Commissioner Holly Arthanthou, is to provide a clean, wholesome alternative to secular Major League Baseball. Says Arthanthou: “Why should the devil have all the good baseball?”

            The CCB Eastern Division consists of the Orlando Campus Crusaders and the Wheaton (Ill.) Holy Warriors. Making up the Western Division are the Colorado Springs Family Focusers and the Dallas Theological Seminarians.

            According to Arthanthou, CCB will be games will be just as exciting as the Major League experience, but with a cleaner, more family-oriented format. No beer will be sold at CCB games, and Sunday games are prohibited. All CCB players have signed commitment cards stating they will not take steriods, diet pills or other dangerous pharmaceuticals. They also have agreed to tithe 10 percent of their salaries back to the league.

            Moreover, to keep the game more in line with Scripture, a few changes to the rules of baseball were required, Arthanthou explains. For example, stealing bases is no longer allowed, as it violates the Eighth Commandment (“Thou shalt not steal,” Ex. 20:15). Also, citing a portion of Scripture from 1 Sam. 15:22 -- “to obey is better than sacrifice” -- Arthanthou explains that sacrifice bunts and sacrifice flies will not be allowed as part of the CCB rules.

            Also, instead of singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” during seventh inning stretch, all will rise for a mandatory singing of “How Great Thou Art.”

            “We’re looking forward to an exciting first season of Contemporary Christian Baseball,” Arthanthou says. “So come on out to the ol’ ball park for some good, wholesome, truly Christ-centered baseball.”

            The season opener will be April 1, when the Wheaton Holy Warriors host the Orlando Campus Crusaders. For one week prior to the game, volunteers will conduct a door-to-door campaign in hopes of luring MLB fans to the event. “We’ve printed up special tracts urging traditional baseball fans to give up their old ways, to ‘come out from among them’ (2 Cor. 6:17),” says the commissioner.

            Arthanthou adds that league organizers hope to expand into other sports. “We think we can lure Kurt Warner from the St. Louis Rams,” he says. “We’d like for him to be the starting quarterback for a new expansion team, the Lambs of God.”