Schindler's Regret


Next Wave: www.next-wave.org: Sept 1999

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	Schindler's Regret
	A call to love a friend arrested for murder
	By David Hopkins I couldn’t believe what I was hearing: "Josh"* killed someone. Everybody at the Wesleyan Campus Ministry knew Josh had lived a tough life. He grew up in foster care, never lived at the same place for more than a year. He dropped out from East Texas State University. Josh had a rough time getting (and keeping) a job of any sort. For many of us, Josh just seemed like your regular "special needs" case. He demanded a lot of love, attention, and patience.
		Can we reach out a hand to save a murderer?
	If these things were readily provided, he’d stay with the Wesleyan and we’d be happy. We would feel like we had done something positive in his life. Who knows? Maybe plant a few seeds, as the metaphor goes. "Stephen," a member of our leadership team, let Josh live with him at the residence hall until he could get back on his feet. While against hall policy, Stephen was not willing to leave Josh on the street. During that time, Stephen would invite Josh to all the events at the Wesleyan. Quickly Josh became a part of the Wesleyan community and a good friend. But then he disappeared. It was not uncommon for Josh to disappear for an evening; but we became worried when it was at least a week until any of us heard from him.
		Convicted murderer and Christian convert Karla Faye Tucker was executed in Texas last year. Click here for more info

	Tuesday evening, I heard a knock at my door...
	Tuesday evening, I heard a knock at my door. I opened the door to see Stephen standing there. "David," Stephen looked very concerned. "I talked with Josh’s ex-girlfriend." "Has she seen Josh?" I offered Stephen a seat. "She told me that Josh killed somebody." Stephen looked at me not even believing his own words. "What?" I was shocked. "Where is he?" "She said he’s at the county jail. Apparently, there was this older guy who used to drive him around places. Josh stole the guy’s truck and shot him. Josh was caught on his way to Oklahoma." I called Keith, our campus minister, to make him aware of the situation. Keith was just as stunned as the rest of us. He asked me to try and confirm as much of the information as possible. And then he asked one other thing: "David, I need a favor." Keith asked. "I will not been there tomorrow night. Would you be able to give the message for tomorrow’s fellowship and inform everyone about the situation." "Yeah, sure." The remainder of the night was spent trying to separate rumor from fact. Stephen and I went to visit Josh’s ex-girlfriend to see if we could get a more complete version of the happened. When we went to her place, we discovered she left to be with her family. Instead, her roommate Sarah was there with her boyfriend. Sarah opened the door and looked at us suspiciously. "What do you want?" She asked. "We’re friends of Josh. We wanted to find out what’s going on." "Thank God." She invited us in. "I thought you were more cops or something. We’ve had ‘em all over here today. Come on in."
	Stephen started to cry... I had never heard him cry before
	We sat, talked and shared what fragments of the story we each knew. By the time we had to leave, I could only think: "This is for real." Stephen and I got back to my room. We began to pray. Stephen started to cry. I had never heard him cry before, but I knew this type of tears. I have cried them too. They are among the most painful. The tears of regret that say, "I could have done more."
	"Could I have saved one more?"
	I remember the dramatic moment of Schindler’s List after the war was over, Oscar Schindler collapsed at his car crying, "I could have saved one more." He could have bought one more Jew to work at his factory instead of going to the concentration camp. As a Christian, I cried these tears when my friend Adrian died and I didn’t know whether or not she was a Christian. This gut wrenching feeling hits every time I am made painfully aware of my scholastic theology, my title, and my words-- and I realize these things truly do not make other people’s lives better. This gut wrenching feeling hits when I realize how incapable I am of changing people. This gut wrenching feeling hits; and I wonder why God would let people destroy themselves. What if it was I who let God down? The next evening I stood before the community at the Wesleyan Campus Ministry with the news of Josh’s situation. I lifted up a short prayer and explained everything. "We have an opportunity to show Josh that God still loves him and so do we. Josh’s whole life-- people have left him. And at this time in his life, I don’t think we should leave him. We have an opportunity to write him, to visit him and just love him."
	What followed was amazing...
	What followed was amazing. The community took on the promise to flood Josh with letters of love. We prayed for him regularly. We prayed God would show His love to Josh and give him the strength to accept the consequences of his actions. We bought him a Bible and sent it along with other things he requested: stamps, envelopes, and paper, in order to write us back. According to the conditions of his stay at the county jail (before the trial), Josh had a list of six people who could visit him. Stephen was on that list. And so Stephen would visit and pray with him. Nearly ever week, I would have someone come into my office with a letter and a smile saying, "Josh wrote me back!" We’d sit down and they’d want me to read the letter. While all different, each letter had certain similarities. Josh confessed to each of us that, yes, he did kill this man. He was scared and he was sorry. He wanted to see his real mom. He described a typical day at the county jail. Then he thanked everyone at the Wesleyan for their love. He reads his Bible twice a day and is growing closer to Jesus. He has some friends in the jail who are also Christian. They go to chapel together, which he enjoys. The court date is sometime in August or September and he asks for our prayers.
	Josh's crime brought us closer together...
	Josh’s crime brought our community closer together. Please do not think I’m saying Josh’s crime worked out for a "greater" good. Josh should have never killed anyone—it defied God’s moral will. His actions grieve the heart of God. But with this situation God gave us a call. The call to "love on Josh" gave us purpose to look beyond ourselves. My friend Brad Cecil shared with our campus ministry, shortly after Josh’s arrest, that for the community of faith the new apologetic is not the weight of fine-sounding arguments—but the love we have for one another (John 13:34, 35). And as a college student, I realize the bubble we live in makes it difficult to love those who live outside our bubble. Josh’s life put us face to face with a world we’d never experienced. Many of us believed in the death penalty, but when it’s someone you know, someone who has a face—you begin to think differently. We never knew his victim. He was the faceless one. The murder of this older man never made TV news and did not even reach the local paper. Sadly enough, I have yet to find this man’s obituary. We grieved his death. We also grieved for Josh; however, we do not grieve as one who does not have hope. (I Thessalonians 4:13)
	Crosses in Littleton underscore the controversy
	After the shooting in Littleton, Colorado controversy quickly surfaced over how this tragedy was to be remembered. A man erected memorial crosses for both the shooters and the victims, initially believing everyone was the victim in this tragedy. The two crosses of the shooters were torn down by angry parents shortly afterwards... could you blame them? But how would God look upon this situation? Indeed, God Himself erected a cross for the world, then He put His only son on it to die. Would God say that Josh does not deserve His cross? Would God say the two shooters at Columbine High School do not deserve His cross? It is the gift of God, it is the mystery of God—it is the salvation of God. During that night when I listened to Stephen cry, I was angry and confused. I felt Schindler’s regret: "I could have saved one more." But later, I embraced God whispering words of comfort to me, "David, I have come to seek and to save what was lost." (Luke 19:10) We do not know Josh’s future. Some of us worry that there may be no true repentance and he only is telling us what we want to hear. I hope this is not true. We continually question our own motives: Are we doing this to get the "gold star" for campus ministry? Or are we doing this to please the heart of God? All I know is God is giving us another chance to love someone and I do not want to see it pass us by. * Due to the sensitivity of this story, names have been changed to protect the victims, their families, and close friends.
	DAVID HOPKINS [www.bigfoot.com/~davidhopkins] is program director at the Wesleyan Campus Ministry in the small college town of Commerce, Texas. David attends the university there as an English/Philosophy major. After completing his undergraduate work, David plans to go to Fuller Theological Seminary. He eventually hopes to be involved in Church planting and development. David was raised in the Methodist tradition; however, he currently is part of the Axxess Community at Pantego Bible Church [www.axxess.org]. Click here to respond to this article. [^ Back to top] [Back to Current Issue]